Promises

You Promised to always be there for me,
To always love me,
To always understand,
But I guess i broke promises too.

Good Bye

Some of the hardest words I will ever say
Two simple words, but oh how they kill me to whisper
Choking on the sound, struggling with meaning
Good Bye Love, Good Bye Life

A life I once knew

.....TOUGH FREAKING LOVE......

A life I once knew
A life I once loved
A life that was mine
Ripped from my Grasp
Sending me out to this world
Now on a constant search
A search for ..
A life I once knew

The stitches are ripping.
You fool
It's not my fault
I'm a fool
Taking blame and pain
That isn't mine
You fool
Your losing me
Minute by minute
Day by Day

Damn it....
I love you.....
I love you so much....

Finally New Posts

Hostage To My Nightmares
Hostage To My Fears
Ransom...
Forgiveness, No One Can Pay
Murdered By My Nightmares
Murdered By My Fears
Abandoned...
Alone in the Darkness

::Written 03/10::

New

Hot water pouring down our bodies
Your hand moves slow across my face
You grip my neck and pull me in close
My body tenses with anticipation
You lean in close
Our faces brush
You whisper
"I'm ready."

::Written 06/07::

Mixed Emotions

A cold ceiling staring back at me
Unfamiliar faces coming in and out of the room
Totally alone with thoughts of you
8 weeks so small no choice
Unsure how to feel and still alone

-Written 07/07-

Alone

What is this place i'm at?
It's dark, It's cold...
It feels so crowded, but i'm alone
"Hello Out There?"
No reply, Just an echo..
"Hello? Is anyone there?"
Again Nothing
I'm Alone

Written 04/07

Park at night

Swinging
The cool air in my hair and on my face
My eyes closed and my fists tight on the metal chains
There is nothing but the sound of my breath breaking the silence
The back and forth motion controlling my thoughts
Thoughts that haunt me constantly
Thoughts that tear me inside
Thoughts that kill me

(written 04.06)

Puppets strings

Tears burn and sting, Streaming down my face
You called on today of all days
I'm trying to forget you
But you continue to keep in your grasp.

{{Written 10/07}}

Never the same

The Hot Water Pouring Down My Back,
Tears Streaming Down My Face,
My Hand On My Chest
It's Weird I Can Actually Feel My Heart

BREAKING

[written April 2006]

....the end...

Screaming in my Remission
A slow death of all my Hopes
I don't know who you are
My dreams infected with thoughts of you
A man I gave my heart to
A love that was never supposed to end.


[Written October 2006]

naked

Lying Here Naked In The Pouring Rain
Nothing Left To Say
People Pass By Not Daring To Look
Will Anyone Save Me?
Will Anyone Stop Me?


[03.06]
I had a thing there for a while about needing to be saved and rain.

A dark room on a rainy day
No one bothered to call
No one's come to say hi
No one will save her
Save her from her own damnation.

[written 02/06]

I don't remember writing this i found it in my drafts, I like it sorta and thought i would post it

why must you interfere,
and cause my eyes to tear?


why must i feel so under attack,
is that how badly you want him back?


this pain you cause I seem to just take,
this friendship you wanted, is it not fake?


how much longer will this go on?
do you honestly want him awake until dawn?


please stop, just let him sleep.
into this mind your words seep too deep.


your fantasy is causing his insanity cant you see?
if so, just let us be. all he wants is to be happy.


please let go.
we all know .
all though .
you try not to let it show.
we all still can see.
the vision of us three makes you want to subtract me.


by causing us pain
you will have nothing to gain

I'm Not That Same Girl So Stop Pretending I Am

I am not that girl!
That girl you once knew...
The one you once loved...
She's gone... Because of you...
You left me Broken and Bleeding...
You used me and abused me...
I don't want your Excuses
I don't want your Lies
Your Gone.. Stay Gone..
I can't take your pain no longer..
You told me it was over
So Leave Me Alone
Your not in control of me any longer
You never were...

[written 03.09]

EMPTY

an empty void you lied where are you now

an empty house you lied humiliated destroyed this void

this void no more i'm leaving you mean nothing and i'm taking the child


--Written 01/06--

11.10.05 - Doing it with socks on.

She loves him
He loves her
But their love couldn't last
She never wanted to lose him
He wanted to explore
A love sworn forever broken by temptations eye
A park on a dead day
A confused little girl sits alone
An amazing guy happier than ever
The new love enters this mistake
The last straw drawn
An empty house 3 dozen roses spread
A clean white room
What a confused little girl Supposed to do.

{I wrote this November 2005, Predicting that Clint would break up with me 4 months later}
it was weird.

Confusion

TORN FROM HEAD TO TOE
MY MIND WITH REASON
MY HEART WITH TRUST
A WORLD GRAY WITH SADNESS AND LIES

A CHILD STANDS ALONE STARES WITH OPEN EYES

AT A WORLD....gone.

THE BLADE STARRING ME IN THE FACE

THE COLD BLACK HANDLE TIGHT WITHIN MY FIST

THE SHARP STEEL CUTTING DEEP INTO MY FLESH

SCARLET RED BLOOD TRICKLING DOWN MY ARM

I FEEL NOTHING IT WON'T HURT ANYMORE

(I WON'T HURT ANYMORE)

THEY CAN'T HURT ME ANYMORE.

the last straw pulled

written 12/05

it never meant to hurt

He simply left with nothing but a swift goodbye, as she was leaving that life of pain behind, The Rain is beginning to pour and the cliches will too, It was never meant to be said, it was never meant to be heard. Here alone in this empty hall wandering if any of it meant anything at all. He simply left with nothing but a swift goodbye, as she was leaving that life of pain to die.

written 12/08

Suffocating

Alone....
What more can be said....
We can't go back ....
And we don't believe in forward.....
You are everything and more to me....
Still you seem so far away....
My heart keeps aching....
A void that can't be filled....
I'm falling away from you again....
I can't breath....
Please Hold On....

I LOVE(d) YOU......

Written 02/09

Smile Even The Sun Gets JEALOUS

Pieces put together like a broken puzzle scene,
Lyrics don't make sense in the songs we sing,
Faces mean nothing except yours near mine,
Your words are my Light
Your smiles the World,
I'd give anything to Stay
Your arms let me know i'm Safe
Your kisses never cease to take my Breath Away
I want everything to always be Okay,
Only one person to make this wish come True,
Only one prayer to thank him for You.


|| written April 2008 ||

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ME TO SAY

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU EXPECT OF ME

I'M NOT THAT PERSON

I'M NOT THAT GIRL

SCREAMING AND SCREAMING

NO ONE IS LISTENING

AND WHAT IS LOVE

LOVE IS THIS

LOVE IS NOTHING

I'M ABANDONED I'M ALONE I'M NOTHING

I KNOW YOU CARE I KNOW YOU LOVE

BUT I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE

I'M TORN AND SUCH A MESS

I JUST WANT TO CRY AND CRY AND...

I CAN'T BREATH I'M LOST

Written October 2008

02.14.06

And the lies won't mean the same,
Things between us were more than just a game,
This ring on my finger wasn't for pretend,
It meant more than for this to end,
It's in the way you used to smile,
The way i feel puts me in denial,
Things are gone times ended,
And my heart is open blended,
Feelings that will never leave,
I will go on and believe,
It was meant to be,
I've accepted you will never see.

ThOuGhTs ReLeAsEd On BlAnK pAgEs

Sweet dreams through mindless seas
Droneless music going over me
It's the same words over lies
Waiting til it opens and dies
These peaking wounds ripped so deep
Some broken lives i wish to keep
I'm speaking across this void
This time in triumph destroyed
Battling to win this fight
We're all doing this just to spite
I want you all to know
This is our time to grow

{02.2008}

We sure are cute for 2 ugly people

Tonight I See,
Tonight I Feel,
Glances across a Crowded Room,
Whispers...
...But it Still Would Not Be Enough
To Just Have

FAITH

01.08

Not to anyone special

Please just know I need
this to end.

I need you to stay
here,

Here With Me
Stay Tonight.

When Will You.

No More Please!
I can't handle anymore of these,
Dark Visions
Dark Dreams
Of scarlet blood
A constant haunting in my everyday life
Barely able to hold on to sanity
As I continue to die.


November 2008

The gray clouds fill the sky,
Cold winds blow through my hair,
Turning up the music to drowned out the noise,
Things are supposed to change,
Fearing the moment when i get home,
Because i know what will be waiting for me there,
A long night full of tears,
Nothing here,
And so i run.

Talking like it's just you and me

Facing you alone in the dark,
Your the cause of all my pain,
Every night i come to see you,
Words you used to say strike through me like daggers,
I struggle to fight the memories,
A battle to forget.

Drowning in My Lonliness

A pain that runs so deep, your not sure when it began.

A longing for something, your not even sure you ever had.

Waiting for someone, you know will never come.

Walking alone down an empty street,
Fresh snow covered concrete beneath my feet,
Tears freeze before they hit the ground.

My eyes blur with the tears you cause

breath in, slow and steady,
you know he's right, it is all your fault,
tears run down my cheeks,
get up, you are strong, this isn't the end,
love and pain, is the source of your strength
you can win, this is the beginning of the rest of your life.

SAVE those we LOVE for they are all WE are

Say My Name, Don't You Ever Forget It
Soft Touches, Dark Glances
Dances In Snow And Stars
Sun Kissed Tears, Glide Down My Cheek
Unspoken Words Have Never Spoken So Loud
Miss Me Much
Good Night I Love You

wasting all my time, trying to make you notice me

I saw you today.
I don't think you noticed.
You looked sad.
I thought you would be happy.

Call It What You Will, I Swear It's All I Own

your all i got

dancing around in my head

these thoughts of

you

living

lying

laughing

all for you

and all i got are the memories

to hold me back

from loving you

The only way out is BLACK

The blade steady on my wrist
the memories more painful than this
of friends and happier times
of loves and lost times
of heartbreaks and fights
could i press down and release my pain
end this all
is it that easy???

Frozen Tears

I'm sitting on this roof top
In the freezing night
Looking at the city lights
Thinking of you
My tears freeze before they hit the ground

My heart still breaks and the tears still flow but do you care!

Everything seemed so right how could it be so bad??